What do you need to ask for?

Will you throw the ball for me?

Last year, my brother and his wife got a Black Labrador puppy - cutest thing you ever saw. They named him Jack and he grew up fast and found his purpose in life a lot easier than most people do. Jack's purpose in life is given away by the name of his breed Labrador Retriever. And that's what life is all about for Jack.

When I visit my brother and sister-in-law,  he walks up to me, grimy tennis ball in his mouth, asking to play and I can never resist him. He quickly drops it at my feet with a short bark as he jumps back to get a good view of which direction I'll be throwing, and I always throw for him, at least once and usually many more times.  I'll be in a dress and heels heading out for dinner and still I'll give him one good throw.  It would be against my principles not to acknowledge and respect Jack for his persistence.  We often don't ask for what we most want and if we do, we often aren't as persistent as we could be. Jack was born and bred to retrieve and he's not self-conscious at all; he's on a mission. So often, we don't persist in finding or pursuing what we were born to do. And it shows up most clearly in that we stop asking. We give up too soon.

Jack's persistence is what never fails. He returns over and over until I'm have to move on and when I do, Jack takes his ball and moves on too. He finds someone else. He never takes it personally. He doesn't sulk, he doesn't give up and stop asking people to throw the ball for him. To Jack, it's a data point without emotion, if he has cogent thoughts, I imagine they would amount to: "humph, Courtney's done throwing the ball, but I'll find someone else to throw it and I'll hit her up later ...Squirrel!"

Somewhere along the line, most of us learn to fear asking, we learn to fear rejection and we learn to tell ourselves all sorts of nonsense about what might happen if we asked:

"They'll say 'no'"
"They'll think I"m stupid, or greedy, or needy or _____ "fill in the blank.
"I'll look like a fool."

Or we simply just don't like the vulnerable, exposed feeling that sometimes comes with asking.

We let our pride get in the way and don't ask for more, time, money, help or love, whatever it is we need, and it costs us happiness, and comfort and often it costs us our dreams.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, "you gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop and look fear in the face. You  are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'" Most of the things we need or want to ask for aren't "horrors", but we sometimes act as if they are.

The sooner you step out of your comfort zone and ask, the faster you'll get what you want. 

Take lesson from Jack and ask yourself these questions?

What do I want?
Who do I need to ask to get it?
Why aren't I asking?

What is is costing you not to ask?

Link to this great Get a Move On tool that will help you get to the heart of what you want to ask for and help you get into action asking for it.

Make your move .... ASK!

Courtney Kirschbaum
Founder, Her Next Move